Thank you and goodbye. Dear marijuana & the part of myself that was dependent on weed, Thank you. Thankyou for being there when I needed you. For being the crutch when I was sad, low, stressed. In essence you saved me and for that I am grateful. Its not all negative, you gave me some great memories and good times. But it is time to move on from you. I have come to the fork in the road and its time to take a new path, one free from you. I seek growth, clarity, health, wealth and groundedness. You keep me from achieving my goals so I must put you to rest. This battle has been taking place for far to long. And today I choose to win. Today I choose to let go of what holds me back.
today I choose to evolve, to grow. what once served me no longer does, and for that I am grateful. Grateful for expanded conciousness, new perspectives and experiences this has brought me. But every man must make a choice; to stay the same or to move away from who he once was. To grow from the ashes of the man who came before. I choose to be sober. I choose to be me. I choose to grow. I choose to clear my head, regain my energy and make something of myself. I choose to win this battle.
for the longest time I've been saying "why not", "I'm free to do what I want" or even "I already have so many pressures in my life; why put more constraints on myself?" when the why not voice appears what is it trying to address? - boredom - stress - reward The "why not" voice is pleasure. It shows an addiction to pleasure and short term gradification How can you remind yourself to tell the why not voice no? - wearing bracelets or rings - notifications - new enviornments - thinking long term
I had a dream. A dream where I lived my ideal life, and in this life I was happy clear & free. This life looked very similar to the one I live now, the house, friends, environment all the same. But I was different. I moved different, I laughed different, I worked different. This ideal life version of me was me but a different state of me, another evolution, a man that has weathered the storm.
Later that day: I caved, a simple "why not". It was a freak situation though but still no excuses. I should be able to handle anything that the universe throws at me. I shouldve stayed strong, I shouldve just focused on the guitar. But nope, the vice wins once again. I'm getting stronger though. This is a process I must work at it. Day by day, moment by moment I need to love being sober. It should be the best thing ever. You should laugh at the idea of smoking. Laugh right in its face. Dont let it seduce you. Dont let anything seduce you. Your masculine energy is gasoline on the fire, use it correctly at the right time. Dont let the thought of a quick look seduce you. You have better things to do. If you have those
thoughts [assocs w/ smoking] you need to recognize them and stop what you are doing and take a break. take a breath. walk around, go outside, say hi to the sun. Mentally reset yourself. Pause and clear your mind. write. stop what you are doing and write instead. Dont smoke, write. Dont get off, write. No quick hits. And let yourself rest.
sobriety is not something you aspire for. sobriety is something that is yours, that no one can take from you. Only you can give it away. Think about that, only you can give your clarity away only you can choose to smoke. No one and nothing can force anything on you. You are not limited you are bound by nothing. You already have exactly what you need. Don't give it away.
Damn almost 12 hrs exactly. Today was a fail. I gave my sobriety away. It was storming I couldn't go out and I didn't sleep great. Need to fix that. Its no excuse to smoke. This entire book is dedicated to me learning to keep my sobriety. Its about choosing to be sober because its right. There are so many ways to get dopamine, you dont need it from weed. Your lungs, mouth and throat will thank you. You can do this be uncomfortable with it, push through the pain of regret, saying no to avoid the pain of regret.
Today I will not give away my sobriety. In 10 days I must be clear + confident and be without my fix. The path is in the work. But whats the work? Its remaining calm and cool even when the universe throws shit at me. Its getting natural dopamine rather than a cheap quick fix. I am so grateful to be sober. I am so thankful to be sober. My thoughts are clear, I'm able to put my energy into the right things. I had another gut feeling the other day, "the path is in the work." The way forward is through the work. That paired with letting go of the weed is a perfect storm for change. Be good today, don't give in and don't give up.
Defeated. I wanna give up Because I keep givin in And I dont know why I keep running to sin Turning back on myself Letting the demond in he poisions and harms with every inhale
It happens from the withdrawl, the dopamine depleated state. My body says give it and autopoilt takes over, the body takes over. even when the mind is screaming no. Need to get through withdrawl. The first day will be the worst and everything else will get easier. You need to stakk days together. If you can get to 30 you can be free
I am feeling very low. was up drinking and smoking until 2am and today has been rough. I typically never feel this low but my actions clearly explain the feeling. something that might be helpful — you have to constantly fight off thoughts of smoking all of them all the time. Also no sitting on the porch, its too much of a trigger. I wish I could make this go away. And I could just move on from it. Imagine a life 100% without weed. it sounds so far from me but its acctually so easy to get. when will you let yourself free? when will you have enough? You can't run away from this. There is only one path, straight forward. You must quit and be done for good. There is no other option. You will have to relearn how to live life without. Acctually, start a new life
without it. And use it to mold you into who you want to be. You can change your life any day you choose. Today could be the day and this moment from now on! moving forward you are new. You are free. How wonderful is it to be free. Be happy that you are smart enough to understand this and that you are making a healthy choice. This is your life, dont waste it fighting with yourself.
The dopamine monster strikes again. got to 24 hours. I will not give in again because now I know the dopamine monsters game, get you when your low, really low. So, you cant let it get low. But how? Activity, socializing, cold shower, thats it. those are the only options. or just swing the kettle bell 40 times and feel better.
Today I cancelled my 6 am workout because I was full of fast food from the weekend. I let today win. I let the dopamine monster win. Now I pay the prize of trying again. I need out of the loop. Do not let it win. Be mindful of how you are getting your dopamine each day.
If someone asked you — how does a man change his life? what would you respond. If you really want to change you have to want it so badly, you have to want it more than you can breathe. I'd say that you must learn to meditate and be grateful for the willingness to change. Theres nothing you cant meditate your way into and out of. I'd also tell them
that they need to write everything, they need to get out emotions, feelings, and really understand the why behind the change. I'd tell them to never lose sight of the thing you're going to try. And to never give up. giving up means someone or something else wins over you. Are you really going to quit? You've come so fucking far and you're just gonna throw in the towel? Pick your ass up get it together and go get what is yours. Never give up.
staying strong. staying sober. According to 'Experts' these next few days will be even harder than yesterday. But yesterday wasnt hard, I just had to remember that I am choosing a different path. If you don't change nothing will change. Yesterday I was different, today I am different. I don't even want to smoke, its gross and kills my energy, and distracts me from the task in front of me. There is nothing more important than the work I am doing on myself. This task, this goal 30 days is the only thing that matters. Everything else is second to my evolution.
I don't need or want it ever again. How lucky am I to have this knowledge? How lucky am I to be able to control my habits. In my experience the dopamine monster will creep up and get you when you least expect it. There is no reason why you can't feed the dopamine monster exercise, breathwork or tasty food. Never give in. Never give up. Never go back into that ditch. For the last 4 years I have been trying to claw my way out. Today I owe it to myself to make that a reality.
Remember its about who you are becoming every single day. who will you be? will you fall back into your past habits? or will you grow? will you be better than you were yesterday? control your dopamine and you will control your life. THIS COMEBACK IS PERSONAL AN APOLOGY TO MYSELF.
staying strong. Today I had fire. I was hot. I got shit done. Why would I ever want to kill my fire? That intensity is me. That rage is fuel. I'm mad. I'm mad at how much time & money & energy I wasted.
I am so grateful for my sobriety. I must not hide the truth, I did take a CBD gummy to ease the withdrawl. But was it withdrawl or rather a replacement for the thing I was really craving. Either way I remain strong and not high or smoking. I hope to never smoke again. And I mean that. I have smoked enough in my life, so much so that I dont need to do it ever again. Everyday is a personal endevor. Everyday is a fight. Everyday I choose to win. This is the path. My gut tells me this is the right path. Light the fire inside and let it rage. Let it rage and rage until you've given it everything you have. Never give in to it. Its never worth it. Stay strong and keep up the fight.
Fuck me. I caved at 9:01 am on a thursday. This is the exact behaviour that I am trying to remove from my
life. I fought very hard to but let it linger. I let it grow. I should of went for a walk or wrote or gone to the gym. But I didn't. I brewed a cup of coffee, started playing music and the dopamine monster seduced me. I'm disappointed in myself. My gut was screaming NO and I still carried on. Its also the porch. If I sit on that couch I'll fall into the exact same habit every time. Must avoid porch at all cost. I cant believe today went from day 3 to day 0. This battle, war, is the most important thing in your life. Its not money, its not achievement. It is your ability to control you habits and actions. Its about starting that fire inside of you, let it rage. You need out of the loop. The past 2 days were amazing. And I didnt
feel like I usually do; slower, drained. Instead I was intense. I didn't tire out like normal. Enough. Its time to move on. You can do this.
It appear I am stuck in a broader loop. I muscle my way through 3 days and now I go two days in a row. This is not what I should be doing. I know this is hurting me. I need to let go of it. And I cant let it in. I must hate it. Hate everything about it. The dragon is stronger than the habit. Let the dragon out, the fire in your gut. The fuck everyone I'm going to win energy. The problem is the weed blocks that. It sedates the dragon, keeps him drugged up and locked away. The dragon needs restraint from the mind, they also need eachother. Like yin & yang you need both
and they both need eachother. One without the other is out of balance. You are out of balance. This is no way to live. Numb.
Most of junnior/senior year was spent drunk & doing drugs 3+ days a week. And I'm not proud of it. At all. I did alot of stupid shit in college. So much.
I partied a lot and I mean a lot. I also did alot of drugs. All sorts weed, cocaine, mushrooms, acid, molly, tsa-
Anyways college was experimental, I had fun, I was cool I had so many friends, life was just about having fun and working hard, How it should be. I dont regret anything I did in college although I dont reccomend the lifestyle its very high/low, cloudy, low energy life, not ideal. Now Im at a point in life where drugs drinking, partying dont really excite me. I mean I like going out but I hate the hangover. Its not worth it. I'm sick of the weed hangover. Heres how I see my relapse ahto smoking: It got me at 9:30 on thursday morning. Yesterday morning. Since then
I have attempted to put up a fight but nothing substancale. I let it right in. Zero fight. just let it bend me over and fuck me and I smoked twice that day and twice today. I went from never smoking anymore to 4 times in two days. I let it in I said "Its the weekend why not" know dam well I am trying to quit. In that moment I didnt want to quit. I changed the script. I also just filped from you to I ... There is no better time then right now to quit. why dont I quit. QUIT. Thats all you have to do. STOP. MOVE ON. LET GO. GROW. FIRE IT. The only thing that you can do is quit. Thats it. Thats the thing you need to do. Every else in life that you desire will come if I QUIT. EVERYTHING IS ON THE OTHER SIDE OF THIS. YOU CAN DO THIS.
I can do this. There is nothing I can't do. I achieve what I set out to do. It takes longer then I would like it to sometimes but still it comes. Everything in this life happens for me, not against me. This battle is hardening me. I will evolve out of this stronger, wiser, smarter, wealthier. I Need nothing and I want nothing everything is already so good inside. I am so close to the life I want. A life free from the addiction to weed. or addiction to the dopamine weed gives me. Its both. You need to solve the problem. the deeper issue. what would 80 yr old you say to you? - How do I quit? - You quit. you give it up. you let it go. - But what about the cravings and the pull? How do I solve that?
- you need time and those will pass. a lot of time and its not gonna be fun fight but you should be proud to feel those withdrawl flashes, it means you, I am winning. withdrawl is what you want right now. You should welcome it. There is no reason to not quit. Everything you want is on the other side of this. You can do it quit for good and never let it get to you for a whole year. 365 days streight. Think of the progress you would make on your personal and business goals. You would be unstoppable. Nothing - during the day to day was a different trigger - I used weed to give me energy & focus to work. But the problem is its only a short term fix that
leaves you tired and foggy and it leads to more smoking. If I wouldve pushed through I could still be sober and completing day 0. But here I am. Note to self. Anytime you want to smoke or have cravings you should come write about it here. Get it out. The paper listens. Time to start again. Dont let the universe trick you, stay strong be true to what you geniunely want and say no. QUIT.
Plus I need out of this cycle. There is no better time then right now.
well its been a few days, I had a crazy week and I let the weed get the best of me. And now I pay the dopamine debt.
In this next phase I will quit smoking weed, because I wont be able to access it and I wont seek it out. Changing the enviorment is exactly what I need. However, if I dont
have the continious drive to be free from it, it wont leave. This move is strategic because I can't keep smoking like this, I don't get my work done.
I'm ready to grow. I'm ready to evolve out of the current habits that
I'm tired of who I am, my habits hold me back I must heal fully.
I really need to have a reset and fix my dopamine. this weed habit is my downfall. this is what I need to evolve from. Brain fried, eyes bloodshot. This is not the man that change the world. No he doesn't fall victem to his own inability to stop a habit. My body is addicted to weed, its terrible. And every time I walk
into the house I want to smoke. Its terrible. I want out. I've had enough. This house feels like stale. But I can't just blame the house, I'm at fault. And I hate that this controls me. I hate that I cant control my actions, its like I'm on auto pilot. Its also the dopamine, the high turns to low and its low for a long time, so you turn to it for stimulation. Can you just take the withdrawl on the chin and move along. You know you don't like the feeling after. And you know that you want to quit, and for 3 fucking years you have been "trying" to quit. But oh poor you "its the house". shut the fuck up. wake your ass up. Do you understand this? Its not the house
its not your porch, its not your dopamine. Life isn't hard. This life is so easy. I should be thriving right now. I have a great gig and great friends, but I don't see that because you've always just been high. Its you. nothing else. You keep the handcuffs on. No one else, nothing else. Only you. Get real right now. You need a reset, take this energy and hold on to it. You have an Enemy. The weed is the Enemy. You must fight it. You must kill it. How do you win? By not smoking or consuming it. It is simply a streak. I has a 3 year head start on you and youre just working up to it. Play the game. How long can you streak it? 1 day at a time. 1 hour at a time, 1 minute at a time, 1 second
at a time. Every moment of your life needs to go towards defeating your enemy. You have all the power. You have all of the choice. All of control. You can overcome this. I know you can. You are no different from the millions of addicts who have quit. You can do it to. moment by moment. Let this be the last time. Accept it right now in this moment. Be done. You Let it go. Its gone. move on. and when it tempts you, fucking crush its soul. Yell at it. Fight it off. Punish the body & the mind for thinking about it. Fight it. Feeling really angsty lately. Maybe its the upcoming move. Maybe its the lack of THC in my system [28 hrs] Maybe its that I dont know what I'm looking for. Is it so I quit weed?
Because I shouldnt have to leave to quit. But it will help. I never solved the only two problems I have:
quiting weed & making more money.
powerful. I am the Alchemist. Go be a nomad, go live this crazy dream of yours. The world is yours if you take it. The problem is most people dont know they have the power to take it and thus it slips by forever gone.
currently 5 days off weed, defenitly feeling my body have its cravings
but I'm staying true to the plan. I quit smoking and I quit weed. I can feel my edge coming back. I have emotions again and learning how to deal w/ them again is interesting. The heat flashes are a reminder of why I quit. My energy levels are coming back and I'm starting to let myself grow. 30 days clean is the goal, 90 days is the stretch goal. I know I can do it. I can do anything I set my mind to.
You see without getting uncomfortable, without pain, without fear, there is no new growth. You need that hardship you need the muscles shaking so they learn to get stronger, you need to get comfortable with the withdrawl so you learn to be sober. Right now Im discusted. The health of my lungs, my mouth, teeth, throat are all exhausted and scared from this poor behavior. And I try and I try to cut it out and be a better
person to myself but I don't. For some reason I continue this form of self harm and burn my throat and cough up my lungs. REAL CHANGE comes from deep inside. Your soul needs change and you need to get your body mind & soul on the same page about the change you want to make. what is the change you're looking to make? I will change my habits. I will break free from this cycle. I will get uncomfortable with the presence of sobriety, I will push through the fear every single time. IF YOU DON'T CHANGE, NOTHING WILL CHANGE.
what about this piece of me that holds on to the habit? The rebel kid that used to smoke cigs to feel like a man, what does he use to rebel now? The biggest fuck you, you can give to society is being healthy, wealthy, and happy. Theres no drug or thing that says fuck you like a fit body, fat bank account and a grateful soul.
I will stop smoking because its harmful to my lungs, mouth, throat, eyes. My health is the upmost important thing I have. Secondly my wealth — I had a vision from my intuition that once I quit smoking & using weed that I would achieve great wealth. Also my testostrone is affected when I smoke. I should be peak male testostrone all the time and yet I'm not because of my habit. Enough. Enough talking about being a good man, just be one. You have every tool at your disposal, you know exactly what the uncomfortable withdrawl feels like, you know that there is a happier wealthier version of you whos sober and clear that you are evolving into. Get uncomfortable, push into the fear of the change and
turn yourself into the best version of you. NOTHING WILL CHANGE IF YOU DONT CHANGE - so change. The decision is final. There will be no variation, no diriation. I've taken my last smoke and like an Ex I know its time to say goodbye. It doesn't serve me anymore. It doesn't deserve me anymore. Your energy is your currency, don't waste it on harmful actions. Go be a good man and the person you were meant to be. There is nothing that can hold you back, only the shackles of your own mind. Get uncomfortable and push on, not through brute force, but be subtle, be gentle with yourself. Master one thing at a time. Right now this is the only thing that truly matters everything else is second to securing my sobriety. You are in control, total control of your actions.
Also I havent smoked in weeks. And it feels fucking amazing. My head is clear my
lungs are happy. I'm dreaming again, my fire is back. I want to win so damn bad.
we have a problem. I have smoked twice since I've been here. And I must stop. There is no other choice. I went 20 days straight of no smoking. And it was amazing. I slept well I thought well. I was able to stay on task. And now
smoked twice. It must end. Remove the opportunity to smoke & dont let it tempt you. Remember how this journal starts, fighting habitual addiction. now that your out of your habits & environment it should be easy to say no & not want it. Let it go.
And I wondered what could this mean? what am I running from. Now I see clearly. That man chasing me was me. Thats why he looked so familar. Because I know exactly who he is. This me, the one chasing me, isn't me anymore. That is the old me. That is the verison of me I he
evolved from. That one was addicted, chased women, only cared for himself. Thats why I was running, thats why I told my mom to hide and got my gun. I needed to hide him from my mom. I needed to protect us from him. I was going to kill this old verison of me. Its scary to think that was me, its scary to think I needed to protect my family from him. Its comforting to know he olny exist in my subconcious, and in the past. Its comforting to know I've grown from that. Oh how lucky am I to know this knowledge. I am forever growing. I must leave self love [masterbation] in the past. It has no place in this life. I have no need for its distractions. I am forever growing. I love you, keep growing.
Post holotropic breathwork. I met myself in my dream. Face to face with me. I broke down, I felt compassion, I forgave him. I gave him a hug, he needed a hug. I felt it all. The need for approval, the numbing of pain. The need to know that its okay. So I hugged him, said I know, then I had to kill him. I had to put it to rest. And now I feel greaf. I feel like I have lost a part of me, but I know it is for the better. Is this the evolution I was longing for? Is this the full cycle of growth. It feels like it is. I feel complete. I feel whole.
what an emotional day. I feel greif. I feel sad. I feel like I lost someone. I feel like I went through a breakup. maybe be in alot of ways I did. I lost someone close to me. I'm not sure what to do now. what if those parts or those habbits that I deleted come back? I feel like they wont, I know they cant. That verison of me is forever in the past. Him trying to come into my home in my house is him trying to come back into my life. But me meeting him face to face, me confronting him. me comfoting him solidifyies that hes in the past this past verison of me that smoked weed 7 days a week, the one that would wake up and toke before sunrise, This past me who was only concerned w/ himself. The one obsessed with how others percieved him. the one chasing money
chasing girls, bedding them on just to feel vaildated. The one that post shirtless pictures just to feel seen. All of this, all of this is me. I did not wake up today expecting to grow go through this today, but I am grateful for it. I feel like a blank slate. who Am I? Dear my past self, Thank you. Thankyou for fighting those battles in silence. For putting up with being alone, to working your ass off. Thank you for loving friends & family, for caring for yourself when you needed it. Thank you for recognizing your habits were toxic and that you needed a change. Thankyou for fighting through addiction. Thankyou for building this body and mind. Thank you for taking risks, for loving hard for looking out for yourself. No one else could do that for you but you. You are such a magical person. You have fought hard and
strong to get to where you are. Thank you for holding on to life when you wanted to quit. No one else can love you the way I love you. Thank you for growing into the person you are today, the one griefing your loss. Thank you for following your heart and traveling solo in search for something you didnt think you'd find. Thank you for being the one to make friendships that'll last a lifetime. Thank you for being someone others can look to for advice, answers, & direction. Only you can do that. Only you can be the one who loves you the way you do. Thank you for building
me into the me I am today. The one who recognizes when its time to change, grow and explore new parts of me. I wouldn't be here right now if it wasnt for you. And for that I am forever grateful. I'm sorry that I had to kill you, but you know thats exactly what you needed. Its been a long time coming. Flip to any page near the front of this journal and you'll remeber the struggles you were going through. You'll rember how badly you wanted out of that life, those habits, and that environment. You've come so far. I LOVE YOU.
so now that he's gone who will I become? I'm already choosen who I will become. I know exactly who I am. I've never been so sure. I am no longer an addict and its so liberating. I've been tempted. I've givin in to it, but I know that road and I dont like where it leads. I wont let myself ever get to that point again. And now I have the space to create. I have space to share to give back to be fullfilled in other areas of life. I'm so grateful for this life. I am so grateful to be this far down the journey and I'm so excited to see where this road takes me. I'm going to be one of the greats. I have everything they have and more. I've been to hell and back in my mind theres nothing I can't do.
You are so lucky to be living this life right now, sober focused and full of passion.
I have found my way back to the weed but in much lower quantities. I really need to get totally sober from it because it has such a pull on me, my body craves it, and if I some its all I think about. I'm better from this, I feel like a fein, itching for the next hit. I need to break the cycle harder
Its time to do the work. Brute force your way through it.
my subconcious mind is running. Cycling through different ex's, new prospects, focused soley on women, why am I caught in this loop? Deep down I know this is good for me. A long break is healthy and I can reprioritize the things that actually fucking matters to me.
But I have bad news. My addiction is back, well it never left. I am great through the week but on the weekends I let myself indulge and I pay
for it in bad sleep + brain fog. I really want to be done with it I will be done with it. I can't be successful if I am struggling with addiction like this. And I am so damn close to beatting it. So close. I can do it. I will do it Everyday I can wake up clear and focused yet I dont because I give in to pleasure and think I need something or that I "earned" something. The path forward is earned by doing it sober not on endorphins. Quit and grow into who you know you are.
But I am just a man.
A mortal man that must battle with lust, addiction, and distraction. But luckily I'm different. My mind is different, my body, my spirit they are all so different. I'm so lucky to have been through what I've went through and to now be able to see so clearly. I am on the right path, I am building exactly what I set out to build. I have grown so much and will continue to get better day after day. Life is mine, the world is mine. No one can take anything from me. I am a champion, I am successful. There is nothing that can stop me or stand in my way. I shape my reality. I create this beautiful life.
1) Smile - sometimes forcing a smile can pull you into a better mood 2) Laugh - its contagious, when you laugh others follow 3) Have rituals - coffee in the morning, writing, anything to keep you grounded 4) Breathe - long deep breath = long deep life 5) Begin w/ the end in mind - know where you want to go then attack 6) Get angry - anger as a motivator can be good, but learn to control it. 7) Be nice to bugs, animals, others. - we are all the same; trying to find food, fuck, and stay alive 8) Don't compare - comparison is the theif of joy. what I have is all I need 9) Moderation - pleasures [alk, drugs, sugar] should only come in moderation. Restrain = Freedom
10) Everyone knows your dirty secret - the key is to not give a fuck, plus most people only think about themselves 11) Seek Peace - come to terms with everything 13) we have 4 entitys. The mind, The body, the energy, the spirit/soul. Link them together to unlock the highest version of you. 14) Life is a series of bets - one job v another, one city vs another one realtionship vs another. All these choices are bets, can you find the ones with the best potential? 15) Be curious - never stop asking "why?" 16) Be open - to trying new things, meeting new people 17) Be present - right here right now, be in this moment, what can you notice?
18) Go after the big goal - life is too short to not achieve your goals 19) 20 seconds of courage - its all you need, go get it 21) Surround yourself with smart people & good books - absorb as much knowledge that intrest you 22) You get whats coming - sometimes you get exactly what you deserve in life, and often times its shitty. Learn from it and move on. 23) You can't change the past but you can control the future - things you did will always be done. If you want different results take different actions. 24) Respect where you come from - hometown, family, community; it influenced you more than you know, be grateful for it. 25) Gratitude - the most powerful emotion. Nothing will improve your model like being grateful for everything you have.
26) Take action then rest - everything moves in cycles or waves. the seasons of life show in decades the same as they show in days. Zoom in and you'll see it on a small scale 3 hour work sprits followed by 10 min breaks Zoom out and you'll see monts of hard work with little rest. But then things shift and you need more rest to balance things out. It comes in waves, yin & yang, we need both equally in our specific doses.
I slept really well last night, I've been sleeping much better now that I smoke a lot less, or ever.
You create your own reality. You shape the world.
But I relapsed on the weed. And I noticed how much I was struggling w/ it at the beginning of this journal. this journal started as a sobriety journal and is now my go to for writting. "this comeback is personal, its an appology to myself". I'm made for more. "Quit. Thats all you need to do" Let itgo, Lean in, Let it rip. Let go of the addict. Lean into the sobriety and let life rip. You are built to win this battle There is nothing that you cant do.
I am staying strong physically I am staying disciplined with my diet, and getting good sleep. I am me. I am true to myself in all situations. I sharpen the sword [mind] at all times I am the man that built these businesses, this life, this body. I am addiction free. I do not lust I am locked in, and grateful to be here.
One day I'll kick the weed forgood. Now would be a good time.
I thought I beat my addiction but this past weekend showed me just how easily I can slip back into the habit. And because of that my cravings are back, but I wont give in. Future you is depending on you to get out of this and past you is begging for it too. Grow. I am addiction free I am free from addiction I am addiction free I am free of addiction I am free from addiction I AM FREE
And I'm really beating my addiction. I'm proud of my growth.
I lack mental toughness. I have over indulged in weed since I've been back and I will reset that now. I need the version of myself that is weed free. Its time to break free from its chains. It doesn't matter what happens, I need to stay true to what I know and true to who I am. I'm not wired in a way that can allow this substance in my life.
You bllnk and your much older than you were. The passage of time slowly begins to speed up blurring years, that where once significant, into nothing that holds weight. Its also a good reminder to remember that you will die one day. And until that day comes you should love life to its fullest. Do things that are good for you
Also I'm really commiting to ending my dependence on THC. I have the strength & willpower to crush the habit, but time is the only healer so I'm committing to 7 days clean. I will do it. I am so smart so determined and one of a kind. I am pure & strong and I will not let my thoughts win over me. Its time to show the world who I am and who I'm meant to be. I am the one who "makes it". I can beat this and I can beat anything. I am so strong. I am the one who
makes those around him win. I will win. A man must first conquer himself then he can conquer the world. I am him.
Life is good, I still feel broke & I still use weed. so in that aspect I havent changed. but those have been reoccuring themes all of the last four years.
Self development & self improvement are two things I have been actively working on yet I have been "trying" to go sober from weed for years. the first pages of thats is all about it. why dont I let myself change? do I not want to change? Am I scared of to come. Losing my boredom cure is sad. However the common thought I have is that my life is on the other side of this. or rather the life I "think" I want. but do I? or is it something I think will make a change but will it? IDK. Maybe its about self control. control
the self, over the mind. what do I know about self control, alot actually. I can say no to plenty of things pleasures of all kinds. maybe one day I'll figure it out. Or I'll get bored of it and let it go. Its actually the only relationship thats been hard for me to release. the time passes anyway. the weed keeps me in the past it pulls me back to memories and allows me to use this beautiful mind to take me back and process things.